Thursday, February 16, 2012
"Well, now everything is back as it was. And if history doesn't care that our degenerate friend Fry is his own grandfather, then who are we to judge?"
"Full price for gum?! That dog won't hunt, Monsignor."
"My old life wasn't as glamorous as my webpage made it look."
"With my last breath, I curse Zoidberg!"
Bender: Fry! Stop interfering with history! I don't wanna have to memorise a lot of new kings when I get back!
Fry: I had no choice. I was about to not exist. I could feel myself fading away, like Greg Kinnear.
"But that's not why people watch TV. Clever things make people feel stupid, and unexpected things make them feel scared."
Bender: Don't worry guys, I'll never be too good or too evil again. From now on, I'll just be me.
"As the candy hearts poured into the fiery quasar, a wonderous thing happened, why not? They vaporized into a mystical love radiation that spread across the universe, destroying many, many planets - including two gangster planets and a cowboy world. But one planet was exactly the right
distance to see the romantic rays, but not be destroyed by them - Earth. So all over the world, couples stood together in joy. And me, Zoidberg! And no one could've been happier, unless it would've also been Valentine's Day. What? It was? Hooray!"
"Why can't she just drink herself happy like everyone else?"
"Well, in those days Mars was just a dreary uninhabitable wasteland... much like Utah. But unlike Utah, it was eventually made livable..."
Leela: That's not true. The first robot president won by exactly one vote.
Bender: Ah, yes! John Quincy Adding Machine. He struck a chord with the voters when he pledged not to go on a killing spree.
Professor: But, like most politicians he promised more than he could deliver.
"That's it! I'm gonna deliver a gift of my boot up Santa's chimney!"
"Bodies are for hookers and fat people!"
"I'm gonna drink 'til I reboot!"
"Fry, he opened up relations with China. He doesn't want to hear about your ding-dong."
"1947 can kiss my shiny metal..."
"Aw, he looks like a little, insane, drunken angel."
Gore: I'm Al Gore. And these are my Vice Presidential Action Rangers! A group of top nerds who's sole duty it is to prevent disruptions in the space-time continuum.
Fry: I thought your duty was to cast the tie-breaking vote in the Senate.
Gore: That, and protect the space-time continuum. Read the Constitution.
"Now, be careful, Fry. And if you kill anyone, make sure to eat their heart to gain their courage. Their rich, tasty courage."
"Is he dumb or just ugly?"
"Leave him alone! It's not his fault he's an unstoppbale killing machine."
Fry: Heya, Bender, what are we doing in this bad neighborhood?
Bender: Shut up, square!
"Pine trees have been extinct for eight hundred years, Fry. Gone the way of the poodle and your primitive notions of modesty."
"I'm the first one to work, a new low."
"And once I'm swept into office, I'll sell our children's organs to zoos for meat, and go into people's houses and wreck up the place!"
"Surrender your mysteries to Zoidberg!"
"Sold your body?! Oh, Bender, I've been down that road. I know it's glamorous and the parties are great, but you'll end up spending every dollar you make on jewelry and skintight pants."
Hermes: And as a further cost cutting measure, I have eliminted the salt-water cooler.
Zoidberg: This is a witch hunt!
"The point is, by my standards, I won fair and square."
"If only he had joined a mainstream religion like Oprahism or Voodoo."
Robot Devil: The Fairness In Hell Act of 2275 requires me to inform you that if you can best me in a fiddle contest, you win back Bender's soul. As well as a solid gold fiddle. Fry: Wouldn't a solid gold fiddle weigh hundreds of pounds and sound crummy?
Robot Devil: Well it's mostly for show.
Leela (whispering): Do you know how to play the fiddle?
Fry (whispering): No, do you?
Leela: (whispering) No but I used to play the drums. They're sorta
similar. (talking) What happens if we lose?
Robot Devil: You'll only win a smaller silver fiddle. Also I guess I'll kill one of you. Uh, him.
Amy: Only weirdos and mutants join third parties.
Zoidberg: Really? I better keep an eye out at the next meeting.
"This wangs chung!"
Fry: "But, but, won't that change history?"
Professor: "Oooh... A lesson in not changing history from Mr. I'm-my-own-grandpa! Let's get the hell out of here already. Screw history!"
Leela: Impressive. They're busting mad rhymes with an 80% success rate.
Bender: I believe that qualifies as ill. At least from a technical standpoint.
"Choke on that, causality!"
Fry: Um, I have a question. What if Bender was really giant?
Leela: You idiot, we already saw that.
Fry: I know, I liked it. I wanna see it again.
Farnsworth: We're not seeing it again, ask something less stupid.
"Nixon with charisma? My God! I can rule the universe!"
Farnsworth: I'm sorry Fry but the anchovy has been extinct since the 2200's.
Farnsworth: Oh my yes. Fished to death. Just about the time your people arrived on Earth wasn't it Zoidberg?
Zoidberg: I'm not on trial here.
"Quit squawking, fleshwad!"
Fry: Who was that guy?
Bender: Your mama! Now shut up and drag me to work!
"Morbo congratulates our gargantuan cyborg president. May death come quickly to his enemies!"
"Bender! Quit giving the slave drivers pointers."
Fry: And I can deliver them! Billions and billions in one night.
Santa: Bah! No human could do all that.
Fry: Evil Knievel could!
"I wanna enlist. My friends always die if I'm not there to save them."
"This concept of 'wuv' confuses and infuriates us!"
Amy: Ooh, nice shoes.
Amy: Do they come in women's sizes?
"Bender, you should be more ashamed of yourself than usual!"
"You've succeeded in convincing me life is worth living. By showing how bad my funeral will suck!"
Leela: Have you seen today's news?
Bender: 'High school gym renovations on schedule.' What a load!
Leela: No! Over here! 'Flying saucer captured.'
Bender: That's no flying saucer! That's my ass!
"Wow! Check out that guy! He makes Speedy Gonzales look like regular Gonzales."
"That bloodthirsty cadaver junkie can't touch us so long as we're not stupid enough to leave this building."
Santa: Bender can't be Santa! He wasn't built to Yuletide specifications.
Bender: Oh yeah? Well I wasn't built to steal Leela's purse either! But that didn't stop me.
"'Blackmail' is such an ugly word. I prefer 'extortion.' The 'X' makes it sound cool."
"Something's wrong. Murder isn't working and that's all we're good at."
Fry: Cool! So there's an infinite number of parallel universes?
Professor Farnsworth: No, just the two.
Amy: Oh no, someone you know must have died!
Bender: I hope it was one of my enemies, those guys suck!
"Up wherever your species traditionally crams things!"
"I never thought it would end this way, gunned down by Santa Claus."
Professor Farnsworth: It's a little experiment that might win me the Nobel Prize.
Leela: In which field?
Professor Farnsworth: I don't care -- they all pay the same.
"I like having her around because she's the same blood type as me."
God: Bender, being God isn't easy. If you do too much, people get dependent on you; and if you do nothing, they lose hope. You have to use a light touch, like a safecracker or a pickpocket.
Bender: Or a guy who burns down a bar for the insurance money!
God: Yes, if you make it look like an electrical thing. When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.
Hermes: He'll be as strong as Hercules and as flexible as Gumby, combined!
Dr. Zoidberg: Gumbercles? I love that guy!
"All civilization is just an effort to impress the opposite sex."
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Airfare between Indianapolis and Oklahoma City, which normally cost $323 each way, will set you back about $2,560 round trip.
The Best Inn (normally $55 per night) is going for $898.99 a night. The Days Hotel, near the airport, which usually goes for $47 a night, has two night deals for the discounted price of $1,840 for two nights.
Tickets are running for $2100 in the upper nosebleed section. However, if you want a luxury suite, plan on spending $515,484.
Need a rental car, the Hertz full-size sedan that normally rents for $102.42 for the weekend, will set you back $449.89 for the same period.
The parking lot across from the stadium, which usually charges $60 for all day Sunday, is charging $499 for the day.
All in all, not a cheap trip....think I'll just watch it from home...
Friday, December 16, 2011
Saturday, December 10, 2011
However, that's not really what Congress did. They passed the agriculture appropriations bill and in doing so they made it easier to count pizza sauce as a serving of vegetables. They never said pizza was a vegetable. The discussion is really about tomato paste.
Tomato paste gets special treatment under school lunch rules. Just 1/8 of a cup is considered the same as a half a cup of vegetables. The regulation that was almost changed would force a volume of fruits or vegetables to be counted as its actual serving size. Congress, however, blocked this changes, and tomato paste gets to keep its extra credit.
There is some merit to giving tomato paste the extra credit. One-eighth cup of tomato paste is quite similar in nutritional value to one cup of apples.
So, anyway, Congress did not declare pizza a vegetable!
Monday, November 21, 2011
There is a though problem called the Million Monkey's Problem.
If you have an infinite number of monkeys and an infinite number of keyboards, will they eventually write Shakespeare?
So, a couple of computer guys, started thinking and programming a parallel process to figure out if it might really happen. The would breed thousands of generations of hypothetical monkeys a second and then choose which ones would be allow to perpetuate the species based solely on their ability to write Shakespeare.
Apparently, it takes about 80,000 generations of monkeys at thousands of monkey generations a second (there's 200 monkeys per generation) to get the opening line of Hamlet. So that's ~16,000,000 monkeys just to get this much text. As they say, that's a lot of monkeys.
If you wanna read all the technical stuff, you can find it here.
By the way, no monkeys were harmed in the experiment.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Sunday, November 13, 2011
23. Do you ever walk around the house naked?
I've been know to, on occasion.
24. If you were an animal what would you be? Why?
I'm human, I am an animal...do I have a choice?
25. Hair color you like on someone you’re dating?
26. If suffering an injury, would you rather be left blind or deaf?
No, either might very well kill my soul...wait, do I have one of those?
27. Do you have any special talents?
No so much...
28. What do you do as soon as you walk in the house?
Take the dogs out...
29. Do you like horror or comedy?
Comedy...hate horror, I have nightmares!
30. Are you missing anyone?
Just one, but we got to hang this weekend :)
31. Where do you want to live when you are old?
32. Who is the person you can count on the most?
I count on myself.
33. If you could date any celebrity past or present, who would it be?
I'd say Brad Pitt, but that would be cliche!.
34. What did you dream last night?
I remember dreaming, but don't remember them...
35. What is your favorite sport to watch?
36. Are you named after anyone?
37. What is your favorite alcoholic drink?
Drink, who drinks these days?
38. Non alcoholic drink?
39. Have you ever been in love?
Yes...I am now, is that wrong?
40. Do you sing in the shower?
41. Have you ever been arrested?
Once, never wanna go there again!
42. What is your favorite Holiday?
Christmas, not for the religious significance, I just like the time of the year....It's the most wonderful time of the year...
43. Would you ever get plastic surgery?
What makes you think I haven't?
44. Have you ever caught a fish?
Yes, I have....I have the record for the largest fish caught from the Elk City park lake...
Sunday, November 06, 2011
1. Have you ever licked the back of a CD to try to get it to work?
No, can't say that I have. Does that really work?
2. What’s the largest age difference between yourself and someone you’ve dated?
8 or 9 years.
3. Ever been in a car wreck?
Many....I seem to be a magnet for them....
4. Were you popular in high school?
5. Have you ever been on a blind date?
6. Are looks important?
A little, but its what's on the inside that counts.
7. Do you have any friends that you’ve known for 10 years or more?
8. By what age would you like to be married?
Mmmm...."The Man" won't let me get married.
9. Does the number of people a person’s slept with affect your view of them?
10. Have you ever made a mistake?
11. Are you a good tipper?
I like to think so.
12. What’s the most you have spent for a haircut?
13. Have you ever had a crush on a teacher?
Can't say that I have.
14. Have you ever peed in public?
15. What song do you want played at your funeral?
This will piss Dave and Justin off, because they want it played at their's, but Pie Jesu by Andrew Lloyd Webber.
16. Would you tell your parents if you were gay?
17. What would your last meal be before getting executed?
Chicken fried steak with jalapeno cream gravy and butter milk mashed potatoes with a Dr. Pepper.
18. Beatles or Stones?
Beatles....But you should see my friend Dave do his Mick Jagger dance....almost makes them the winner....
19. If you had to pick one person on earth to die, who would it be?
I don't really want anyone to die, but I'm sure there are some truly evil people that the world would be better off without.
20. Beer, wine or hard liquor?
Depends on my mood. Usually Beer with a shot or two....perhaps a Captain and Coke
21. Do you have any phobias?
Doesn't everyone? Mainly growing old alone.
22. What are your plans for the future?
Move to Chicago.
Saturday, November 05, 2011
It's way to early to make predictions at this point.
Emeril bugs me a little bit, but what the Hell....
I don't have a ton to say about it at this stage. Anyway, all I can really say is I'm looking forward to next week's show....
Monday, October 24, 2011
It's been a great year. Traveled a lot and had a great time. Been to Dallas, Chicago (twice), New York city, all with my best friend. Maybe in the near future I'll post some of the pictures.
I'm going to try to at least post once a week.
Like I said, not feeling well. David, Matt, Justin and I went to Chicago for a long weekend this past weekend and we all caught something....don't know if we should blame it on the airplane or the subway/train. Either way, I can't seem to shake the crud in my chest. If I'm not better tomorrow morning, think I may go see the doctor (again).
Since my last post, I've added a new member to my family. I have a new dog. Maggie (my Miniature Schnauzer) and I adopted a Beagle named Alice. Shes uber sweet and very affectionate.
All in all this has been a pretty great year, however, I can't seem to make happy work. I'm not espically unhappy, just not happy. I want to be happy, I really do. I'm not depressed, just a little sad on occasion....not everyday or all the time, usually just in the evenings when I'm sitting at home.
I've read some pretty good books this year. I really like Erik Larson, he's written some awesome books. If all history was written like this, I would probably have been a history major....
Well, I don't know what else to say....I think my fever is going up....I'm cold. So, I'll go to bed and try to get some sleep....hopefully I'll sleep soon...
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Cheers to all of us thieves!
26. Who has done something today to show they care about you?
My dog licked me…
27. Do you have a lot to learn?
Of course, we all do!
28. If you could learn how to do three things just by wishing and not by working what would they be?
Quantum Physics, fly, quit answering these questions….
29. Which do you remember the longest: what other people say, what other people do or how other people make you feel?
How they make me feel!
30. What are the key ingredients to having a good relationship?
Cayenne pepper….shoooor nuff!
31. What 3 things do you want to do before you die?
(1) Go into out space.
(2) See the aurora borealis…
(3) See a volcano erupt
32. What three things would you want to die to avoid doing?
33. Is there a cause you believe in more than any other cause?
Can’t really think of anything, but I believe we could all be better to one another.
34. What does each decade make you think of:
Which decades? I’m not going all the way back to the beginning….
35. Which decade do you feel the most special connection to and why?
The 80’s or 90’s, graduated from high school and started life.
36. What is your favorite oldie/classic rock song?
I don’t think I really have a favorite.
37. What country do you live in and who is the leader of that country?
The US. 13 men in a locked room making decisions the control the world…no, I really to believe that…
If you could say any sentence to the current leader of your country what would it be?
38. What's your favorite TV channel to watch in the middle of the night?
I don’t usually watch TV in the middle of the night.
39. What Disney villain are you the most like and why?
Ursula, the sea witch.
40. Have you ever been a girl scout/boy scout?
I was a cub scout and a webelo when I was younger, but never really cared for it. Don’t like there politics not at all!
41. If you were traveling to another continent would you rather fly or take a boat?
Fly. I don’t really mind the big float, but not a huge fan of it!
42. Why is the sky blue during the day and black at night?
Because of the sun’s rays being scattered in the atmosphere, or lack thereof…
43. What does your name mean?
God is my judge.
44. Would you rather explore the deeps of the ocean or outer space?
Either would be cool!
45. Word association
What is the first word that comes to mind when you see the word:
Pink: Pie. (Played trivial pursuit last night)
46. If you could meet any person in the world who is dead who would you want it to be?
DaVinci – I want to know if there really is a code J
47. What if you could meet anyone who is alive?
No one comes to mind.
48. Is there a movie that you love so much you could watch it everyday?
49. You are going to be stuck alone in an elevator for a week. What do you bring to do?
A port-a-potty .
50. Have you ever saved someone's life or had your life saved?
Not that I recall.