Horror Scope

Earlier this month, I stopped by the Park after work to visit Shimmy. He was there with the usual crowd and they were looking over the horoscopes. Shimmy decided that he would read them aloud for all our benefits. When it came my turn I knew I was in for a “Great Reward” as he began laughing manically – that is laughing to the point he had to take a break so as to catch his breath. Once he returned to normal respiration, he was able to finish his dramatic interpretation of my horoscope.

Thus began my reading:
(My socal commentry is in GREEN )

"Happy Valentine Daze, Capricorn!" Yeah yeah yeah, we already know what I think about VD – see below. "To being our meditation on love, let’s turn our attention to your appearance." Shimmy’s giggling beings. Well, we are off to a great start here, its like when a minister says “I don’t mean to sound preachy,” you just know they will. "I think you owe a huge dept of gratitude to the fact that you don’t have the face and body of a dazzling supermodel or gorgeous hunk." Frenzied laughter has started. Not just by Shimmy, but by the entire group. Well slap me down, and make me feel good about myself. Whereas there is some truth to this statement, I do not have the face or body or a supermodel I don't need it pointed out in my "Horror Scope". Surely there are some Capricorns in the world that have been bestowed with beauty or who are Adonic. Let’s see, Who are some Capricorns that look good? Well, there is Marlene Dietrich, Mel Gibson, Annie Lennox, David Fumero, Sean and Diane Keaton to name a few.

Ok, off my soapbox and back to the prose:

"The temptation to rely on your physical attractiveness at the expense of developing you character would be virtually irresistible." Oh, so now I should feel better, I have been blessed with character and not looks? "In the coming days, this fact will bring you a fresh batch of benefits, including a subtle breakthrough in your romantic life." Yeah, yeah, blah blah blah the ever present attempt in the scope to make you feel good about something. "Here’s your quote for the week, from Katherine Hepburn: 'It is the plain women who know about love. The beautiful women are too busy being fascinating.'"

So anyway, I think I am done with horoscopes, well, at least until I find an astrologer that has nicer things to say about my appearance.