Pumpkin Head or The Coletonus Progressionis

Friday June 23 at about noon

About 6:45pm
Fifteen minutes later, 'nuff said!

Studio 60

Earlier this week I posted a slightly condensed version of this as a comment to Bruce’s Blog entry Sorkin's Segue. I was going to leave it at that, but the more I thought about it, the more I felt it deserved an entry of its own. So, here it is:

I have said it many times and I will say it again, Aaron Sorkin is a GOD! He is responsible for what is one of, if not the best written shows on television – EVER! The West Wing won a record 9 Emmy Awards its first season! It won the award for Best Drama Series its first four years. After the fourth year, Sorkin left The West Wing and you could certainly tell the difference. This fall he along with past collaborators Thomas Schlamme, WG Snuffy as well as Bradley Whitford and several others are returning to prime time with a new series, Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. Here is the promo and here is a quick clip from the pilot. Check them out!

Soylent White or the Other Other White Meat

Well, I am not exactly sure how I feel about this, but, I can’t say it surprises me. It seems scientists are working on test tube meat. Yes, you read that correctly, edible, lab-grown meat. A professor of meat sciences (who knew there was such a degree) at Utrecht University is working on growing artificial pork meat out of pig stem cells. They believe a form of meat suitable for burgers, sausages and pizza toppings could be available within a few years.

Paul Kosnik, vice president of engineering at Tissue Genesis in Hawaii says “All of the technology exists today to make ground meat products in vitro.” They just need to figure out how to mass produce it.

Jason Matheny, a University of Maryland doctoral student believes the easiest way to create edible tissue is to grow “meat sheets” (Cassandra?). Meat sheets are layers of animal muscle and fat cells stretched out overlarge flat sheets made of other edible or removable material.

Taste is an unknown at this point. Real meat is of course, more than just cells; it has blood vessels, connective tissue, fat, etc. Matheny notes to get a similar arrangement of cells, lab-grown meat will have to be exercised and stretched.

Suddenly Meat Wad from Aqua Teen Hunger Force is only a few years away.

Earth Sandwich

As I was driving to my parent’s house this past Father’s day, I heard a fun and interesting story on NPR about creating an Earth Sandwich. The supposition of the report was if you dig a hole through the Earth, where would you come up? If it were technologically possible, could you really dig a hole to China?

Well, for most of us, the answer is no. In fact, for most of us, if we were to dig through the planet, you would come up in water.

Here is the article from NPR:

Weekend Edition - Saturday, June 17, 2006 · Let's suppose -- just for sake of argument -- that you had a drill capable of plowing below where you are standing right now and grinding its way straight through the middle of the planet to the other side. Where would you end up?

Well, for all of you reading this in North America (and specifically in the 48 contiguous states) with very, very (I can't overemphasize this, so make it very, very, very, very) few exceptions, you would come out in the middle of an ocean. The U.S mainland is antipodal to the sea that is west of Australia, down near Antarctica. So if your mother puts you in the backyard and says "Dig a hole to China," bring along a wetsuit.

Unless -- and this is the fun part -- you happen to be standing in three (by my count) lower 48 state locations that are opposite land. They are near a Colorado highway, a Junior College campus also in Colorado and part of a Montana town. In all three spots, you could drill straight through and come up in a place where you might bump into the occasional seal and, in one place if you arrive at the right time of year, a scientist or two.

But don't take my word for it. Wikipedia has a map of world antipodes that you can look at. I found that map -- and a "find the opposite tool" -- on a blog run by Ze Frank.

Ze is a perfomer, satirist, essayist, composer, dancer and wonderfully weird guy who challenged his audience last month to create the world's first "Earth sandwich."

To make an Earth sandwich you must:

1. Put a piece of bread on the ground.

2. Have someone else put a piece of bread on the ground directly on the other side of the Earth from you.

3. Do this at the same exact time, so the Earth at that moment is "sandwiched" between two pieces of bread.

To inspire his audience, Ze composed a ballad, "If the Earth were a sandwich…"

It's hummable. Beautiful even.

So for the last few weeks, all over the world people have been rushing about, emailing, texting and trekking in an effort to arrange a simultaneous sandwich moment. This past week, apparently, it happened. Somebody in Spain put half a roll on the ground, and somebody in New Zealand put something breadlike opposite. Ta Dah!

(Except, instead of lying parallel as they would on a normal sandwich, the two pieces of bread may have been perpendicular to each other, making a kind of X-like structure. But... who's quibbling?)

It was Ze's challenge that got me thinking about antipodal Earth geography.

I found two towns in Illinois that were founded in the 1820s by settlers who thought they were on prairie directly opposite Chinese cities: Peking, Ill., and Canton, Ill. (Thank you, Ian Frasier, for writing an essay on this subject in The New Yorker.)

With my engineer, Manoli Wetherell, and help from my NPR colleague Robert Smith, we decided to see where you would have to go on this planet to be able to dig a whole straight through to China.

So if you happen one day to be in Concordia, Argentina, which is about 150 miles north of Buenos Aires near the Uruguayan border, a concerted effort at digging would have you emerging somewhere pretty close to downtown Shanghai.

Timmy’s Titillating Tunastic Trist

In a response to the Waste Not Want Not blog entry, Timmy inquired how many Maguro Goma Tataki salads he could eat for the price of President Bush’s trip to Iraq? With a little simple math, the number was easily computed and it turns out he could devour over 107,800 salads!

Out of sheer boredom, I wondered how many tuna it would take to make the 100,000+ salads??? I believe the salad uses seared spicy Ahi tuna. Ahi refers to two species of tuna, Bigeye (Thunnus obesus) and Yellowfin (Thunnus albacares). Based on current statistics, the average Bigeye weighs 33 to 44 pounds. The average Yellowfin tuna currently weights between 11 and 44 pounds. However, tuna weighing about 100 pounds are preferred. Since 100 pound fish are favored we will assume all the tuna served at Sushi Neko derive from 100 pound tuna. Ahi tuna yields about 65% edible meat. However, in Timmy’s case, it is probably closer to 90% - but we won’t go there. So, this means the average tuna produces about 65 pounds of editable flesh. Assuming the salad is composed of mixed greens and 8 ounces of tuna, this means we get 130 salads from a tuna. Thus we can easily compute one would need approximately 829 tuna to serve up 107,800 Maguro Goma Tataki salads.

Waste Not Want Not

OK, for the most part, I generally stay off my soap box when writing a blog entry. If I can’t stay off the box, I try to avoid a foray into the political. However, today, I have been irritated just enough that I can do neither. I simply must take odds with President Bush’s secret surprise trip to Iraq.

As you may be aware, the President has been holding a summit on Iraq with his cabinet members and advisors. On Tuesday’s, June 13, 2006, agenda, was a scheduled video conference with the new government of Iraq. Instead of hanging with his advisors, the President decided he would hop his plane, at our expense, and participate from across "The Pond".

Monday evening, President Bush, indicating that he was tired and “losing altitude” excused himself at 7:34pm Eastern time from the Camp David meeting. Instead, however, of going to bed, he snuck off to Andrews Air Force Base, where, at 9pm Eastern time, he boarded Air Force One, and departed for Iraq.

What’s wrong with this you ask? After all, he is the President of the United States! Well, my problem is the cost of the excursion! Air Force One landed in Iraq an 8am Eastern time. The President plans on spending approximately 5 hours on the ground in Iraq. This is an 11 hour flight (22 hours round trip) for a 5 hour meeting. The cost of operating Air Force One is in excess of $60,000/hour. Yes, that is correct, $60,000/hour. On April 7, 2005, the Washington Post reported that “In 2000, when jet fuel prices were lower, the GAO estimated that flying Air Force One cost $54,100 per hour, or $60,250 in today's dollars.” In the same article, the Washington Post further reported “Excluding security and aircraft costs, the White House has estimated that staff costs on presidential trips average between $22,000 and $59,000”.

Not included in Air Force One's direct costs are the support equipment required for a Presidential visit. According to CNN “Accompanying any tour are at least two C-5 Galaxy heavy transport aircraft carrying the president's bulletproof limousine, a stand-by limo, a fully fitted ambulance, occasionally his personal helicopter and -- for especially sensitive areas -- several additional limos for use as decoys.” Want to guess what they cost to operate? According to the Military Analysis Network, the C-5 has the highest operating cost of any weapon system. They further report it consumes 46 maintenance man-hours per flying hour.

I can’t even being to guess what the security costs for this trip are. The President travels with a battalion of Secret Service men, not to mention the US military assets where used to secure the Baghdad airport, streets and meeting places in Iraq. Just looking at the things we do know, $60,250/hour for Air Force One and staff costs at a minimum of $22,000 the cost of the trip has already topped $1,347,500! In all fairness, the White House is reporting the trip was planned well in advance of today, however, it is still a colossal waste! It wouldn’t surprise me of the total cost of the trip was into the tens of millions of dollars.

Fraiser and Niles Classics

Frasier: I know what you think about everything. When was the last time you had an unexpressed thought?
Niles: I'm having one now.
The Good Son

Niles: Hello there Frasier!
Frasier: Oh, what fresh hell is this?
Space Quest

Frasier: Niles, you're a good brother and a credit to the psychiatric profession.
Niles: You're a good brother too.
Space Quest

Frasier: We've got a free evening. This sounds like the perfect opportunity for a couple of guys on the loose to hit a sports bar, have a couple of brewskies, maybe take in a game or two.
Niles: Right. But what shall we do?
Frasier: Dinner?
Niles: Perfect. No place fancy, I'm sure neither of us wants a heavy meal with lots of wine and expensive desserts.
Frasier: Oh, it's your turn to pay, isn't it?
Niles: You know me so well.
Beloved Infidel

Niles: That was the same period where you insisted on wearing the wax earplugs and the slumber mask.
Frasier: Well I had to, what with you underneath the covers with a flashlight looking at the National Geographic.
Niles: I was looking at the maps.
Frasier: That's what makes it so scary.
Beloved Infidel

Niles: Frasier, you're my brother. That entitles you to my bone marrow and one of my kidneys, but this is an imposition!
Travels with Martin

Niles: You know, I wanted to be a psychiatrist like Mom way before you did, but because you're older you got their first. You were first to get married. You were the first to give Dad that grandchild he's always wanted. By the time I get around to doing anything, it's all chewed meat!!
Author, Author

Frasier: I DO NOT HAVE A FAT FACE!
Niles: Oh please, I keep wondering how long you're going to store those nuts for winter!
Author, Author

Niles: My God, I'm having a flashback! You're climbing in my crib and jumping on me!!
Frasier: YOU STOLE MY MOMMY!!!
Author, Author

Niles: What is that? Rain?
Frasier: No, God is crying!
Niles: I asked a simple question.
Frasier: Do you ask any other kind?
My Coffee with Niles

Niles: Now order has been restored. By hiring a plumber, that plumber can now afford, say, a Dolly Parton album. Miss Parton can then finance a national tour which will of course come to Seattle, allowing some local promoter to make enough to send his cross-dressing teenaged son to us for $150 an hour therapy.
Frasier: To the circle of life. (They clink glasses)
Seat of Power

The Crane boys on basketball:
Frasier: It's the archetypal male-bonding ritual!
Niles: Couldn't we just go into the woods, kill something and have done with it?
Retirement is Murder

Frasier: What's the one thing better than an exquisite meal? An exquisite meal with one tiny flaw we can pick at all evening.
Niles: Quite right. To impossible standards!
Retirement is Murder

Niles: Oh! So I'm a coward!
Frasier: Yes.
Niles: Well, I'm a coward with a hickey!
Daphne's Room

Niles: As some illustrious person said, popularity is the hallmark of mediocrity.
Frasier: You just made that up, didn't you.
Niles: Yes, but I stand by it.
Someone to Watch Over Me

Frasier: You, ice-fishing?
Niles: Well, why not? I've always thought of myself as a man of the great al fresco.
Frasier: Niles, you get a runny nose watching figure skating on TV.
Breaking the Ice

Niles: You spoke to a patient of mine today - Caroline. As a result of your fast-food approach to psychiatry, she left me.
Frasier: Caroline was your patient?
Niles: Two years of my hard work wiped out by one of your two minute McSessions.
Frasier: Niles, I merely suggested that she consider a change.
Niles: Based on what diagnostic method? One potato, two potato?
Dark Victory

Niles: We all have to remind Dr Crane that this is real psychology now, not the radio. No hanging up on the hard ones here!
Shrink Rap

Frasier: I'll just be observing today, I don't know you well enough to render any opinions, so just pretend I'm not here.
Niles: And good luck with that.
Shrink Rap

Daphne: You burnt down the garage [as children]?

Niles: Well, with Frasier and his Bunsen burner, and me and my mosquito repellant, in retrospect it was unavoidable.
The Friend

Frasier: The man talks endlessly on subjects that are of no interest to anyone but him.
Niles: Gee. I can't imagine what that's like.
The Friend

Niles: The rental agency didn't have a single luxury car left. They stuck me with some vehicle I think they call a hunchback.
Frasier: I think that would be a hatchback.
Niles: It's painted panic-button red, and has a huge rear window that pops open.
Frasier: That would be the hatchback.
Niles: There's a novel idea - name the car after its most hideous feature. I presume it was a tossup between that and "What's that odour coming from the floor?"

High Crane Drifter

Niles: That was dirty pool, using a Freud quotation. It's the Crane boys' kryptonite.
Frasier Loves Roz

Frasier: Niles, aren't you going to join me?
Niles: I would, but I have a routine. I come every day, order coffee, and spend some quality time... with myself. You understand.
Frasier: Niles, I've seen you once in the last two years!
Niles, after a pause, with surprise: Oh, that is your point! Oh!
You can go home again

Frasier: I remember your fourth birthday party, when Grandmother took us to the park to ride the carousel, and you made all those children wait while you wiped off your painted pony.
Niles: I was wearing Bermuda shorts and that saddle was slick with toddler sweat.
You can go home again

Niles: This fruit-nut muffin contains a number of things I don't care for. Currants, a husk of something... away, wrinkly thing!
Frasier: You know, if you and Maris ever reconcile, I'm going to miss these tranquil mornings - I reading my newspaper, you tweezing your muffin.
The Two Mrs. Cranes

Frasier: Advertising? Isn't that a bit commercial for a psychiatrist?
Niles: Said Dr Pot to Dr Kettle.
Love Bites Dog

Niles: I know I don't have your total support, but ... how shall I put this?
Frasier: You don't care.

Niles: If you could work the phrase "rat's ass" in there you'd have it.
Mixed Doubles

Niles: Frasier, you look like an authentic jock. I'm half-tempted to hand over my lunch money.
Frasier: And is that your idea of appropriate baseball-watching attire?
Niles: Obviously you failed to detect the subtle diamond pattern in my tie.
The Unnatural

Niles: Well I'm sorry if my tracking skills aren't up to your standard. Perhaps instead of asking for a baby brother you should have asked for a German shorthaired Pointer.
Frasier: I did!
A Crane's Critique

Young Frasier: I specifically requested my macaroni and cheese al dente.
Young Niles: I know. This lunch is a culinary Hindenburg.
Where Every Bloke knows your Name

They're Back

No, no, no this is not a reference to Poltergeist, nor to the return of my friends David and Shimmy from their Mexican adventure! This is far more important!

After 16 years and 6,680 performances Les Miserables closed on Broadway in May of 2003. It is still, however, touring the US. Now, just a mere three and a half years later, it is set to reopen on Broadway in October of this year. It is being called a revival….boy, it’s a revival worthy of the bible belt.

Now, don’t get me wrong, Les Miserables is my favorite musical. I love the story and want to see it again. But, I wouldn’t call it so much a revival, as, oh I don't know, the return from an extended vacation. Cancun perhaps?