Frasier: I know what you think about everything. When was the last time you had an unexpressed thought?
Niles: I'm having one now.
The Good Son
Niles: Hello there Frasier!
Frasier: Oh, what fresh hell is this?
Space Quest
Frasier: Niles, you're a good brother and a credit to the psychiatric profession.
Niles: You're a good brother too.
Space Quest
Frasier: We've got a free evening. This sounds like the perfect opportunity for a couple of guys on the loose to hit a sports bar, have a couple of brewskies, maybe take in a game or two.
Niles: Right. But what shall we do?
Frasier: Dinner?
Niles: Perfect. No place fancy, I'm sure neither of us wants a heavy meal with lots of wine and expensive desserts.
Frasier: Oh, it's your turn to pay, isn't it?
Niles: You know me so well.
Beloved Infidel
Niles: That was the same period where you insisted on wearing the wax earplugs and the slumber mask.
Frasier: Well I had to, what with you underneath the covers with a flashlight looking at the National Geographic.
Niles: I was looking at the maps.
Frasier: That's what makes it so scary.
Beloved Infidel
Niles: Frasier, you're my brother. That entitles you to my bone marrow and one of my kidneys, but this is an imposition!
Travels with Martin
Niles: You know, I wanted to be a psychiatrist like Mom way before you did, but because you're older you got their first. You were first to get married. You were the first to give Dad that grandchild he's always wanted. By the time I get around to doing anything, it's all chewed meat!!
Author, Author
Frasier: I DO NOT HAVE A FAT FACE!
Niles: Oh please, I keep wondering how long you're going to store those nuts for winter!
Author, Author
Niles: My God, I'm having a flashback! You're climbing in my crib and jumping on me!!
Frasier: YOU STOLE MY MOMMY!!!
Author, Author
Niles: What is that? Rain?
Frasier: No, God is crying!
Niles: I asked a simple question.
Frasier: Do you ask any other kind?
My Coffee with Niles
Niles: Now order has been restored. By hiring a plumber, that plumber can now afford, say, a Dolly Parton album. Miss Parton can then finance a national tour which will of course come to Seattle, allowing some local promoter to make enough to send his cross-dressing teenaged son to us for $150 an hour therapy.
Frasier: To the circle of life. (They clink glasses)
Seat of Power
The Crane boys on basketball:
Frasier: It's the archetypal male-bonding ritual!
Niles: Couldn't we just go into the woods, kill something and have done with it?
Retirement is Murder
Frasier: What's the one thing better than an exquisite meal? An exquisite meal with one tiny flaw we can pick at all evening.
Niles: Quite right. To impossible standards!
Retirement is Murder
Niles: Oh! So I'm a coward!
Frasier: Yes.
Niles: Well, I'm a coward with a hickey!
Daphne's Room
Niles: As some illustrious person said, popularity is the hallmark of mediocrity.
Frasier: You just made that up, didn't you.
Niles: Yes, but I stand by it.
Someone to Watch Over Me
Frasier: You, ice-fishing?
Niles: Well, why not? I've always thought of myself as a man of the great al fresco.
Frasier: Niles, you get a runny nose watching figure skating on TV.
Breaking the Ice
Niles: You spoke to a patient of mine today - Caroline. As a result of your fast-food approach to psychiatry, she left me.
Frasier: Caroline was your patient?
Niles: Two years of my hard work wiped out by one of your two minute McSessions.
Frasier: Niles, I merely suggested that she consider a change.
Niles: Based on what diagnostic method? One potato, two potato?
Dark Victory
Niles: We all have to remind Dr Crane that this is real psychology now, not the radio. No hanging up on the hard ones here!
Shrink Rap
Frasier: I'll just be observing today, I don't know you well enough to render any opinions, so just pretend I'm not here.
Niles: And good luck with that.
Shrink Rap
Daphne: You burnt down the garage [as children]?
Niles: I'm having one now.
The Good Son
Niles: Hello there Frasier!
Frasier: Oh, what fresh hell is this?
Space Quest
Frasier: Niles, you're a good brother and a credit to the psychiatric profession.
Niles: You're a good brother too.
Space Quest
Frasier: We've got a free evening. This sounds like the perfect opportunity for a couple of guys on the loose to hit a sports bar, have a couple of brewskies, maybe take in a game or two.
Niles: Right. But what shall we do?
Frasier: Dinner?
Niles: Perfect. No place fancy, I'm sure neither of us wants a heavy meal with lots of wine and expensive desserts.
Frasier: Oh, it's your turn to pay, isn't it?
Niles: You know me so well.
Beloved Infidel
Niles: That was the same period where you insisted on wearing the wax earplugs and the slumber mask.
Frasier: Well I had to, what with you underneath the covers with a flashlight looking at the National Geographic.
Niles: I was looking at the maps.
Frasier: That's what makes it so scary.
Beloved Infidel
Niles: Frasier, you're my brother. That entitles you to my bone marrow and one of my kidneys, but this is an imposition!
Travels with Martin
Niles: You know, I wanted to be a psychiatrist like Mom way before you did, but because you're older you got their first. You were first to get married. You were the first to give Dad that grandchild he's always wanted. By the time I get around to doing anything, it's all chewed meat!!
Author, Author
Frasier: I DO NOT HAVE A FAT FACE!
Niles: Oh please, I keep wondering how long you're going to store those nuts for winter!
Author, Author
Niles: My God, I'm having a flashback! You're climbing in my crib and jumping on me!!
Frasier: YOU STOLE MY MOMMY!!!
Author, Author
Niles: What is that? Rain?
Frasier: No, God is crying!
Niles: I asked a simple question.
Frasier: Do you ask any other kind?
My Coffee with Niles
Niles: Now order has been restored. By hiring a plumber, that plumber can now afford, say, a Dolly Parton album. Miss Parton can then finance a national tour which will of course come to Seattle, allowing some local promoter to make enough to send his cross-dressing teenaged son to us for $150 an hour therapy.
Frasier: To the circle of life. (They clink glasses)
Seat of Power
The Crane boys on basketball:
Frasier: It's the archetypal male-bonding ritual!
Niles: Couldn't we just go into the woods, kill something and have done with it?
Retirement is Murder
Frasier: What's the one thing better than an exquisite meal? An exquisite meal with one tiny flaw we can pick at all evening.
Niles: Quite right. To impossible standards!
Retirement is Murder
Niles: Oh! So I'm a coward!
Frasier: Yes.
Niles: Well, I'm a coward with a hickey!
Daphne's Room
Niles: As some illustrious person said, popularity is the hallmark of mediocrity.
Frasier: You just made that up, didn't you.
Niles: Yes, but I stand by it.
Someone to Watch Over Me
Frasier: You, ice-fishing?
Niles: Well, why not? I've always thought of myself as a man of the great al fresco.
Frasier: Niles, you get a runny nose watching figure skating on TV.
Breaking the Ice
Niles: You spoke to a patient of mine today - Caroline. As a result of your fast-food approach to psychiatry, she left me.
Frasier: Caroline was your patient?
Niles: Two years of my hard work wiped out by one of your two minute McSessions.
Frasier: Niles, I merely suggested that she consider a change.
Niles: Based on what diagnostic method? One potato, two potato?
Dark Victory
Niles: We all have to remind Dr Crane that this is real psychology now, not the radio. No hanging up on the hard ones here!
Shrink Rap
Frasier: I'll just be observing today, I don't know you well enough to render any opinions, so just pretend I'm not here.
Niles: And good luck with that.
Shrink Rap
Daphne: You burnt down the garage [as children]?
Niles: Well, with Frasier and his Bunsen burner, and me and my mosquito repellant, in retrospect it was unavoidable.
The Friend
Frasier: The man talks endlessly on subjects that are of no interest to anyone but him.
Niles: Gee. I can't imagine what that's like.
The Friend
Niles: The rental agency didn't have a single luxury car left. They stuck me with some vehicle I think they call a hunchback.
Frasier: I think that would be a hatchback.
Niles: It's painted panic-button red, and has a huge rear window that pops open.
Frasier: That would be the hatchback.
Niles: There's a novel idea - name the car after its most hideous feature. I presume it was a tossup between that and "What's that odour coming from the floor?"
The Friend
Frasier: The man talks endlessly on subjects that are of no interest to anyone but him.
Niles: Gee. I can't imagine what that's like.
The Friend
Niles: The rental agency didn't have a single luxury car left. They stuck me with some vehicle I think they call a hunchback.
Frasier: I think that would be a hatchback.
Niles: It's painted panic-button red, and has a huge rear window that pops open.
Frasier: That would be the hatchback.
Niles: There's a novel idea - name the car after its most hideous feature. I presume it was a tossup between that and "What's that odour coming from the floor?"
High Crane Drifter
Niles: That was dirty pool, using a Freud quotation. It's the Crane boys' kryptonite.
Frasier Loves Roz
Frasier: Niles, aren't you going to join me?
Niles: I would, but I have a routine. I come every day, order coffee, and spend some quality time... with myself. You understand.
Frasier: Niles, I've seen you once in the last two years!
Niles, after a pause, with surprise: Oh, that is your point! Oh!
You can go home again
Frasier: I remember your fourth birthday party, when Grandmother took us to the park to ride the carousel, and you made all those children wait while you wiped off your painted pony.
Niles: I was wearing Bermuda shorts and that saddle was slick with toddler sweat.
You can go home again
Niles: This fruit-nut muffin contains a number of things I don't care for. Currants, a husk of something... away, wrinkly thing!
Frasier: You know, if you and Maris ever reconcile, I'm going to miss these tranquil mornings - I reading my newspaper, you tweezing your muffin.
The Two Mrs. Cranes
Frasier: Advertising? Isn't that a bit commercial for a psychiatrist?
Niles: Said Dr Pot to Dr Kettle.
Love Bites Dog
Niles: I know I don't have your total support, but ... how shall I put this?
Frasier: You don't care.
Niles: That was dirty pool, using a Freud quotation. It's the Crane boys' kryptonite.
Frasier Loves Roz
Frasier: Niles, aren't you going to join me?
Niles: I would, but I have a routine. I come every day, order coffee, and spend some quality time... with myself. You understand.
Frasier: Niles, I've seen you once in the last two years!
Niles, after a pause, with surprise: Oh, that is your point! Oh!
You can go home again
Frasier: I remember your fourth birthday party, when Grandmother took us to the park to ride the carousel, and you made all those children wait while you wiped off your painted pony.
Niles: I was wearing Bermuda shorts and that saddle was slick with toddler sweat.
You can go home again
Niles: This fruit-nut muffin contains a number of things I don't care for. Currants, a husk of something... away, wrinkly thing!
Frasier: You know, if you and Maris ever reconcile, I'm going to miss these tranquil mornings - I reading my newspaper, you tweezing your muffin.
The Two Mrs. Cranes
Frasier: Advertising? Isn't that a bit commercial for a psychiatrist?
Niles: Said Dr Pot to Dr Kettle.
Love Bites Dog
Niles: I know I don't have your total support, but ... how shall I put this?
Frasier: You don't care.
Niles: If you could work the phrase "rat's ass" in there you'd have it.
Mixed Doubles
Niles: Frasier, you look like an authentic jock. I'm half-tempted to hand over my lunch money.
Frasier: And is that your idea of appropriate baseball-watching attire?
Niles: Obviously you failed to detect the subtle diamond pattern in my tie.
The Unnatural
Niles: Well I'm sorry if my tracking skills aren't up to your standard. Perhaps instead of asking for a baby brother you should have asked for a German shorthaired Pointer.
Frasier: I did!
A Crane's Critique
Young Frasier: I specifically requested my macaroni and cheese al dente.
Young Niles: I know. This lunch is a culinary Hindenburg.
Where Every Bloke knows your Name
Mixed Doubles
Niles: Frasier, you look like an authentic jock. I'm half-tempted to hand over my lunch money.
Frasier: And is that your idea of appropriate baseball-watching attire?
Niles: Obviously you failed to detect the subtle diamond pattern in my tie.
The Unnatural
Niles: Well I'm sorry if my tracking skills aren't up to your standard. Perhaps instead of asking for a baby brother you should have asked for a German shorthaired Pointer.
Frasier: I did!
A Crane's Critique
Young Frasier: I specifically requested my macaroni and cheese al dente.
Young Niles: I know. This lunch is a culinary Hindenburg.
Where Every Bloke knows your Name
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