Horror Scope

Earlier this month, I stopped by the Park after work to visit Shimmy. He was there with the usual crowd and they were looking over the horoscopes. Shimmy decided that he would read them aloud for all our benefits. When it came my turn I knew I was in for a “Great Reward” as he began laughing manically – that is laughing to the point he had to take a break so as to catch his breath. Once he returned to normal respiration, he was able to finish his dramatic interpretation of my horoscope.

Thus began my reading:
(My socal commentry is in GREEN )

"Happy Valentine Daze, Capricorn!" Yeah yeah yeah, we already know what I think about VD – see below. "To being our meditation on love, let’s turn our attention to your appearance." Shimmy’s giggling beings. Well, we are off to a great start here, its like when a minister says “I don’t mean to sound preachy,” you just know they will. "I think you owe a huge dept of gratitude to the fact that you don’t have the face and body of a dazzling supermodel or gorgeous hunk." Frenzied laughter has started. Not just by Shimmy, but by the entire group. Well slap me down, and make me feel good about myself. Whereas there is some truth to this statement, I do not have the face or body or a supermodel I don't need it pointed out in my "Horror Scope". Surely there are some Capricorns in the world that have been bestowed with beauty or who are Adonic. Let’s see, Who are some Capricorns that look good? Well, there is Marlene Dietrich, Mel Gibson, Annie Lennox, David Fumero, Sean and Diane Keaton to name a few.

Ok, off my soapbox and back to the prose:

"The temptation to rely on your physical attractiveness at the expense of developing you character would be virtually irresistible." Oh, so now I should feel better, I have been blessed with character and not looks? "In the coming days, this fact will bring you a fresh batch of benefits, including a subtle breakthrough in your romantic life." Yeah, yeah, blah blah blah the ever present attempt in the scope to make you feel good about something. "Here’s your quote for the week, from Katherine Hepburn: 'It is the plain women who know about love. The beautiful women are too busy being fascinating.'"

So anyway, I think I am done with horoscopes, well, at least until I find an astrologer that has nicer things to say about my appearance.

Rib Tickling Funny – Well, Not So Much

Sad and pathetic as this may sound it really is true. I was walking through my house this past Sunday. As I entered the kitchen, I coughed and felt a terrible cracking sound toward the back of my right side. In great pain, I collapsed onto the floor where I remained for about ten minutes while I attempted to re-compose myself. I was in considerable pain throughout the day, generally brought on by movement of any kind – breathing included.

Monday I went to the doctor to determine what was wrong although I had a good idea. After poking and prodding followed by X-rays it was determine that I had cracked two and completely broken a third rib! Numbers 5, 6 and 7 respectively (this is not my X-ray). There isn’t really much they can do for a broken rib other than leave it alone. So, for the next six weeks I take it easy while trying to avoid coughing, sneezing, hiccupping or any other sudden movements.

“The quickest way to a man’s heart really is through his stomach, because then you don’t have to chop through that pesky rib cage” J. Jacques, Questionable Content webcomic, #478, 10-27-05.

St. Valentine’s Day Massacre, of Sorts

Valentine’s Day has a lengthy history dating back to 500 AD when Pope Gelasius I declared a feast in Saint Valentine’s honor. It didn’t take on its current form until the American marketing engine got a hold of the idea. It has now become synonymous with candy, greeting cards, roses, diamonds, and the clogging of restaurant arteries with happy couples. It will be virtually impossible to dine out tonight without witnessing a barrage of couples starring wide-eyed into one another’s eyes while they sip champagne and share desserts, most likely forgetting that a part of the cost of their meal should include a proper tip for the waiter serving them. This day has become quite the profit center for chocolatiers, florists and other purveyors off love the world over. I however, take a more cynical view of this “Holiday”. I believe this day was created by happy couples with the sole purpose of making those of us who are single feel bad. It is a chance for the joyful couple to rub it in our faces as if to say “See how happy we are and how miserable you are?”

The Spice Must Flow

Last Christmas, while shopping with Dave, I purchased the Director’s cut of the SciFi Channel’s production of Frank Herbert’s Dune (that was a mouth full). With all the Holiday hubbub it was shoved into a box and quickly forgotten about.

Friday night, while perusing the bookshelf for something to read, my eyes landed on the book. This then triggered my memory of buying the DVD. The next step in the chain reaction was a whirlwind of activity throughout my house as I searched high and low for the DVD. Fortunately I finally did find it. I started watching it Monday night after work. It is a three DVD set, so I viewed one each evening finishing the show last night.

I watched it when it was on TV in its original broadcast but don’t remember it being quite so “made for TV” as it seemed this time. I actually like the David Lynch version better (yes, I am the one) and found myself continuously comparing the two variations. Where as both adaptations had their strong points I liked the characterizations and costumes better in the Lynch version. Each took more liberty with the story line that I would have preferred, but I understand with a story that involved, somethings had to go. Both had some decent special effects shots, but overall, both were a bit lacking in this department. I think the casting was stronger in the Lynch version as well – yes I know it had a considerably larger budget.

Don’t get me wrong, I did like the SciFi version, however, I believe if fell a bit short of its potential. The SciFi Channel version could have over come some of these short falls it had not put most of its money into the hat budget. See below:

DRS

Frank Oz’s Dirty Rotten Scoundrels has always been one of my favorite movies. If I am channel surfing and run across it I have to stop and watch it. It has now been made into a Broadway musical. John Lithgow opened the show as Lawrence Jameson, the Michael Cain role, with Norbert Leo Butz as Freddy Benson, the Steve Martin role. About a month ago I stumbled onto the soundtrack for the musical and its great! Earlier today, I found this video online, hopefully Act 1 will show up.

Finally, the first...

After considerable time and effort, mostly wasted, I have finally published my first blog entry. Not that this is any great achievement for mankind, nonetheless, it is an achievement for me. Then again, not much of one for me either.

What are mankind’s greatest achievements? Some might say eradicating Polio, others might say landing on the moon or the splitting of the atom. Chris Cope asserts that “The two greatest accomplishments of mankind are knitting and beer. Have you ever looked at a sweater? That is some seriously outside-the-box thinking right there. First of all, someone had to look at a sheep and think, 'Instead of eating that animal, I am going to shave it.' Then they took all those shavings and turned them into one really long piece of string, or yarn. That in itself is impressive, but they didn't stop there. Once they had all this yarn, they took it and knotted it all up in such a way that it became something for them to wear -- that's all a sweater is: one long piece of string tied up in knots. Then they made scarves and socks and blankets and tea cozies and little booties for infants. Beer is also a great accomplishment, and another example of inventive thinking. It's made of barley and hops, which, if you didn't know any better, look a lot like grass. That means that some bloke was walking through a field one day and thought to himself, 'What a beautiful field this is. I wish I could drink it.'"

So, anyway, after weeks and weeks of not doing the blog thing, entry number one is finally done.